She is the sweetest little thing ever. How cute and innocent does Amelia look in this picture? And all bundled in pink. SOo soo soo cute.
The days have been pretty uneventful, which is actually a great thing. She hasn't had any Brady's episodes for an entire week from today! YEAH Amelia. They cut her cold turkey from the caffeine dose this morning, but they won't see if that will play a part in her breathing behavior for at least 5 days. The good news with stopping the caffeine is that it may help reduce her reflux! Wouldn't that be wonderful! I think Amelia's solution to the entire reflux problem would be to be held 24/7, which in actuality, probably isn't too far off of what she gets now.
Today I arrived just before one of her bottles. The nurse had no luck all day and could only get her to take 7 cc's. Then mommy showed up and Amelia finished 1 entire bottle (which is now up to 37cc's) and 20's cc's of her 2nd bottle! Mommy was so proud. I really am starting to get to know her signs and signals of when she needs a break, when she is ready for more...etc. It's a nice feeling to have.
I feel like I live 3 different lives. One in the NICU, one at work, and then the one at home. All of them, I am a different person. I go to work and I feel like the old me. I go to the NICU and I don't even know who this person is, I am a mom. It feels normal and it feels like I have always been a mom. And then I come home and I look like the old me, but I'm so different and yet weirdly the same. I come home, but I have no baby to take care of. I know I am still a mom and worry and think of her every second, but yet I don't have to wake up to feed her or change her to hold her. I just want her home with me. This will be 8 weeks. I think I have officially moved into the NICU. I now even leave my slippers there so that when I arrive after work, I can take off my painful tight dress shoes and relax and cuddle up with my little girl and just breathe and enjoy. I really hope that maybe, MAYBE, she will be home by the end of next week, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Today I actually pictured us walking out the doors of the NICU with her strapped into her car seat. I could see us with HUGE smiles on our faces. I am so ready for her to be home with us, but at the same time scared to death to leave the comfort of the monitors of the NICU and the nurses and the charts and everything. How weird is that?
2 comments:
Hi girls!! (oops, and mike),
i am so excited for u knowing there is a "light at the end of the tunnel" coming soon!! u are not alone with the anxiety of leaving the comfort of the hospital and all it offers, as parents we all feel that way when we bring home our babies!! see u soon, love aunt lori
Good Morning Heldt Family! That is definitely not a weird feeling Aleena, I would assume any mother would have the same feeling being in the same situation you have been in for the last 8 weeks. No worries, they wouldn't release her unless they knew she was in good health. We can't wait to see you Amelia! We truly can't wait until you come home and get to see your family in the every day surroundings. It's going to be so much nicer than the NICU. Don't get me wrong, you have the most wonderful nurses that love you very much but you will have so much more fun in your own home. You are going to be so excited to see your bedroom! It is gorgeous and pink...you'll absolutely love it! I'm sorry we won't be able to see you at "your" baby shower this Saturday but you will be on everyone's mind! We love you and can't wait to see you at home! Love, Uncle Austi & Auntie Rebecca
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